As long as you're not dating white guys again.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
