I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Randomize
