so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
