she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
