I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
