very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
