Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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