How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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