Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
