wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
