i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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