they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
