Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
