Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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