Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
