I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
