She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Randomize
