people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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