Got a toothbrush?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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