So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
