I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
