If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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