sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
