I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
