did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
