this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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