Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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