Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
