Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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