why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
