i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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