she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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