Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
