Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
