I CAN MOONWALK!
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
