the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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