Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
