There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
