i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Did you just see the Batmobile???
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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