I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
