i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
