my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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