He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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