time to smoke my breakfast
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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