If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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