Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
