oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
