He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
