can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
