...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
