I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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