Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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